What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is often viewed as a virtue. It’s seen as a disposition to do things at the highest caliber. In modern-day workplaces, you’ll hear it said with pride that “I’m a perfectionist.” It’s a way to sell the idea that you care deeply about your work and you hold yourself to higher standards.
The root of true perfectionism, however, has nothing to do with personal excellence. It’s actually about fear.
Perfectionism is the belief that your worth depends on delivering a flawless performance. Your inner voice tells you that you can’t make mistakes, you can’t let others down, and you must exceed all expectations. While it may appear so at first glance, this mindset isn’t driving you towards success. It keeps you trapped in an anxious spiral that leads to burnout.
The Different Faces of Perfectionism
Perfectionism tends to vary from person to person. Within these differing experiences, three main types have emerged:
Self-oriented perfectionism: You set impossibly high standards for yourself and are your harshest critic when you fall short of your expectations.
Other-oriented perfectionism: You hold others to unrealistic standards and become easily frustrated when they don’t meet the bar you set.
Socially prescribed perfectionism: You hold a belief that others expect perfection from you, even when it’s not true.
Each type of perfectionism carries its own challenges. The self-oriented type often leads to burnout and depression. Other-oriented perfectionism can impact relationship dynamics. Socially prescribed perfectionism leads to constant anxiety and validation from others around you.
The Real Cost of Perfectionism
The price of perfectionism extends beyond missed opportunities. It can have a significant impact on your mental health and your ability to find joy in daily life.
Mental Health Impact
There’s a strong correlation between perfectionism and anxiety and depression. Believing that anything less than perfect is a failure instills a constant fear of making a mistake. Your nervous system lives in a heightened state. You feel the heavy weight of chronic stress that will wear you down eventually.
Relationship Challenges
Perfectionism may push you to hide parts of yourself that feel flawed. You never want to look incapable or let anyone down, so you don’t ask for help. It makes it hard to truly get vulnerable with anyone.
Procrastination and Paralysis
As crazy as it sounds, perfectionism can prevent you from completing necessary tasks. If you can’t do something perfectly, why try doing it at all? Your fear can cause you to shut down before even starting.
Where Perfectionism Starts
Perfectionism typically develops in childhood, though it doesn’t necessarily emerge at that time. Common origins include:
Growing up in an environment where love felt conditional on performance and achievements
Experiencing criticism or high expectations from your parents, teachers, or coaches
Living through trauma or instability that made you believe you needed to be perfect to stay safe
Cultural or societal norms that equate self-worth to achievement
Understanding where your specific type of perfectionism comes from can help you start to work through it more productively and with more compassion.
Moving Beyond Perfectionism
Perfectionism isn’t a character trait that you have to live with forever. It’s a learned behavior that can be unlearned with the right tools. The process may take some time, but the result is building a healthier relationship with your worth and achievement.
Working with a therapist can help identify any thoughts and beliefs you hold that may be triggering your perfectionism. From there, you can challenge them to develop more realistic standards for yourself.
Anxiety therapy can be effective in helping you recognize and change patterns that fuel your perfectionism. Reach out today to get started on your journey towards self-acceptance.
